A Letter From Satan
I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores. You awoke without kneeling to pray. As a matter of fact, you didn’t even bless your meals or pray before going to bed last night. You are so unthankful. I like that about you. I can not tell you how glad I am that you are mine. Remember, you and I have been going steady for years, and I don’t love you yet. As a matter of fact I hate you. I hate you because I hate God. I’m only using you to get even with God. He kicked me out of Heaven and I’m going to use you as long as possible to pay him back. You see fool, God loves you, and He has great plans in store for you, but you have yield your life to me and I’m going to make your life a living hell. That way we’ll be together twice. This will really hurt God. Thanks to you, time really is showing Him who’s boss in your life. With all the good times we have had watching dirty movies, cussing folks out, partying, stealing, lying, cheating, being a hypocrite, fornicating, over eating, smoking, drinking, playing hooky from church, telling dirty jokes, gossiping, and backstabbing folks. Surely you don’t want to give all of this up? Come on fool, let’s burn together forever! I’ve got some hot plans for us. This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you. I’d like to say thanks for letting me use you for most of your life. Fool, you are so gullible. I laugh at you when you are tempted to sin and give in. You even make me sick! Sin is beginning to take a toll on your life, you look 20 years older. I need some new blood. So go ahead, teach the little kids how to sin, cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, cuss, over eat, miss Sunday school and weeknight services, party hearty, and listen and dance to the top ten jams. Do all of this in the presence of children, and they will do it too. Kids are like that. Well fools, I’ve gotta go now. I’ll be back in a few seconds to tempt you again. If you were smart, you would run some where, confess your sins and live for God, with what little bit of life you have left. It’s not my nature to warn anyone, but to be your age and still sinning is becoming a bit ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate you. It’s just that you’d make a better fool for Christ. If you really love me, you will not share this letter. Till death brings us together, Satan P.S. Tell those so-called “Christians” that they’re doing a good job preaching one thing and living something else. (Selected)